176 ) I soon realised today would be a difficult one.
‘Thank you for waiting’ said the elderly woman’ who had just run across the road in front of the bus as it pulled out, her arms rotating like a demonic windmills, ‘Well it was either that or run you over’ I relied in my best having-a-joke-with-a-customer voice.
‘Where would you like to go’ I asked, ‘Oh anywhere’ came the reply, Oh bugger thought I, one of those. ‘Where’s you last stop driver’ she enquired? ‘Southsea’ I answered, ‘Then Southsea will do’ she finished.
She moved deeper in to the bus whilst rummaging through her handbag. This is a common ploy used my some older people in the hope the driver will give up waiting and start the journey eventually forgetting about them as time passes. I wasn’t in the mood this morning because I knew there was entertainment value here for the rest of my customers.
‘I’m afraid I can’t move off until I issue a ticket ma’am’ I called down the bus; she was at least a third of the way down the bus heading for a seat. She returned and handed over a plastic card to me. ‘I’m sorry’ I said, ‘this is a library card’ she took it back and produced another card, an AA car breakdown service card. I shuddered to think that she might just possibly own a car. ‘Sorry, this card is not the one’. Oh, I shall have to sit down and look for it’ she answered.
‘I won’t be able to move until I have some form of payment’ I told her ‘I’m almost 10 minutes late already, perhaps you would like to sit down on the bench in the bus stop and look for it, another bus will be here in a few minutes’ I tried as a last hope option whilst thinking I should have run her over in the beginning.
She returned and offered another card . . yep, you guessed it, a credit card. By now the next bus was rounding the corner. ‘The next bus has turned up ma’am, ‘I shall have to ask you to leave if you don’t have means of payment’, yes, cruel I know but I can’t carry anyone without a ticket, not worth risking my job for one little old lady.
‘Will this do driver’ she said offering up a five pound note? ‘Yes that would be perfect’ I replied and issued a ticket with the though in the back of my mind that she knew exactly what she was doing.
She got off in Bognor Regis, not even halfway; I knew Bognor was of some use after all.
It turned out that later that day I was to ask another customer to leave the bus. More on that later.



